A Letter to ISI Chief: (post Mumbai 26/11)

To:

The Chief,

ISI, Pakistan

From:

Deepansh Agarwal

(An insect living in India)

Hello Mr. Chief,

Congratulations Sir, for your recent success. I hope you will be doing fine. Especially with respect to your current success, you must have earned a lot of medals and accolades. You have shown the world what true leadership and patriotism is all about.The exactitude with which you planned and executed the deed is amazing. Hats off to you Sir. In fact the world should learn some lessons in leadership from the great leaders of the sub continent. Even our nation has its share of great leaders.

In fact, our prime minister is an exemplar of what true leadership is all about. We should praise the modesty and courage with which he has faced the current Mumbai bomb blast situation. His heroic act of calling you to India to register a complaint against your country is commendable. You must be highly obliged to him. You would have never thought even in your wildest dreams that the Indian Government would be kind enough to allow you to see with your own eyes how well your men have completed their task.

But trust me Mr. Chief, we Indians are like this only. Even when you want to take away our happiness and peace and kill all of us we would like to invite you here and feast you to the choicest of gulab jamuns and rasgullas and discuss with you over the dinner table how the situation is turning from bad to worse because of terrorism. ‘Atithi Devo Bhava’, you know.

And oh don’t worry; we know that you are not responsible. Its just some fundamental elements in your country that you say you do not have any hold upon. Of course as you say, this makes it our problem also. You are right chief, after all as you know, we do not have any problems of our own and our favourite job is to solve the problems of our neighbouring nations while they throw bombs at us.

I was particularly impressed with the kind of training and armaments these terrorists were equipped with. Especially when you say you don’t have any idea how these terrorists got hold of them. I totally believe your contention that you didn’t supply them chief. After all with all the money that the Americans give you why will you buy Chinese equipments! You know how these Chinese goods are, don’t you Mr. Chief. If you have ever bought a Chinese made fan or calculator, you will understand.

Maybe you had to do so because of the financial crunch your country is facing these days. Have the politicians started to gorge on the money provided by the Americans also? I tell you, these politicians! They are the same everywhere! I will suggest that next time you buy American or Russian weapons only. They will ensure more firepower and more damage when you try to blow our homes and schools and offices. And oh! not to forget, our Parliament.

Till know you would have understood that you need not fear our leaders in India. After all, they are your allies in this war on terror. I wonder why you declined the offer to come to India. Else you would have seen how accepting our leaders are of all these activities. For a day or two they would issue tough statements that these terrorist activities are not acceptable. They will also speak of taking some action against you.

But you don’t worry chief; this is a usual process in our country. After a week you would hear them talking about the ‘future’. That these types of attack will not be acceptable in ‘future’. And if something like this is repeated in ‘future’ they will take strict action against you. You know how these politicians are, Mr. Chief. So need to worry. You go bang bang in the future and forget about what they say.

Now I have to take your leave Chief. Have to go and eat something. I wonder why everything tastes so bitter these days. If you could do me a favour Mr. Chief, please blow up the parliament when all our favourite politicians are inside. My respect for you will increase to a completely new level that day.

Chao.